I need a coach and so do you

Yesterday, as I was driving through the gorgeous New Mexico landscape to my training location for the day, I was listening to the "For the Love" podcast by Jen Hatmaker. She was interviewing Drs Cloud and Townsend, the authors of Boundaries books. At one point in the podcast, Jen quotes from the book Safe People: 

"It's impossible to love an entitled person as some fault, some empathetic misstep, or insensitivity will send the entire relationship tumbling down. The entitled person must be listened to and understood perfectly at all times or she feels injured or wounded."

I began to chuckle to myself, thinking, "Yeah, I know some entitled people alright." Until the next moment when Jen said, "...I think I was that person." Wait a minute... self reflection? I didn't want to have to wonder if I ever acted like an "entitled person." Ouch! (Just to add insult to injury, when I shared this thought with my husband he laughed and said, "You? Get offended by feedback? Never." Thanks darling.)

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how right they were. Who is above listening to some well-intentioned feedback? Who is above being challenged to improve? Certainly not me. Certainly not anyone. 

Kind and thoughtful feedback is how we grow. If you hope to improve yourself, professionally or personally, you must set up safe and reliable ways to receive constructive feedback. 

Thoughtful, empathetic, consistent feedback on performance is not meant to wound, but it is meant to challenge. Challenge does not have to be a bad thing.

This is exactly why the instructional coaching model is so vital to our teaching practice. Without someone to help us challenge ourselves, we risk remaining in that entitled mindset, thinking that no one has the right to question us. "I've been doing this for XX years. I don't need anyone in my classroom telling me what to do."

Coaching is not about telling someone what to do. It's about another brain in the room seeing things from a different perspective and asking others to think through the "why." Often when I have that little nudge from someone gently asking me to explain myself and walking me through the process verbally, I'm able to see problems and solve them on my own in ways I couldn't when I didn't have to explain it.

I still ask for feedback on my professional practice almost constantly. I know that when I stop asking for feedback is when I stop growing. There are a lot of people out there with a lot of great ideas, and it is my privilege to learn from them, not my burden. I will never be above coaching, and if you are interested in knowing and doing better, neither will you.